I was laid off last year during the panini* by two strangers via Zoom… and at that moment, I realized 2 major things:
These companies were profiting off of my tendency to over-caretake; and
I was helping them do it.
As a kid, I shouldered a lot. I knew way more than I should’ve, was always ready to take on MORE… and made sure to act happy and unburdened (and that none of my siblings knew the heavy stuff).
Now, as a grownup, I find myself in jobs where I continue to play that out. Where I over-caretake and over-compensate for others' unwillingness to do their work, or simply to feel like I'm enough.
Because who am I if I can’t carry it all?
I tend to shoulder too much pressure, get consistently pulled into convos and situations way above my pay grade, and then feel it’s my civic duty to maintain team morale, show up like everything is fine, and ensure life is easy for my counterparts.
I saw myself in the new Encanto movie. Not just because I’m Caribbean-and-Black-American-raised, or was married into a Dominican family at one point.
But because my past experiences and the ideas instilled in me about my worth always lead me to roles where I’m expected to do the absolute most and get none of the credit or aftercare associated with it.
Let be very clear—NAH. It’s weird and I don’t like it and I opted out.
I chose to go into business for myself after my layoff, instead of reentering the job market, so that I could heal. So that I could stop pimping out my traumas for a paycheck. And so I could help others who were taught at some point that’s how we earn our keep.
There are plenty of other actual skills I can absolutely be paid for. Over-caretaking and shouldering it all so the team has a bring to walk on are no longer available.
🥭
PS: The word “panini” here is 100% on purpose. I’m so tired of the word pandemic and I heard some other people are using other P words like panini and panorama so I’m jumping on board. Yee haw!